This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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