Just cropdusted the office
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
