I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
