i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
