We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
