just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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