so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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