Ambien. No doubt about it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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