i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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