He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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