I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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