The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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