whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We got so high we made milksteak
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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