I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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