mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This baby is an asshole
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
