i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
