I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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