Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The ass gains better be worth it
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