drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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