whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
