I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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