you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
