Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
