well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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