I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
