Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
