Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
