there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
