Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
