What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
