everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
