Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
handjob tips. give me some.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
