I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
