Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
