Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
