I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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