i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
