god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
