Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
