4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
