I'm so fucking centered right now
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
