they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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