i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You can't just leave with hair like that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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