At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I forgot wine drunk hurts
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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