You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
