Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She bit a glass in half.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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