she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
