and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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