I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
