with your own penis?
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
