dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
