How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
