I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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