she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
