I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
