I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
