There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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