If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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