you traded sex for a burrito?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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