he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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