The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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