omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
