based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
