i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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