Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
