After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
