And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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