Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
