Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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