dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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