You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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