9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
