You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
