Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
