I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
