just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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