so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
