my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
