I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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