Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
